Archive-name: Bondage/njlist18.txt
Archive-author: Nurse Jones
Archive-title: The List - 18 of 20


From Nurse Jones,

     I have a serious question for STella, Roo, Lothie, Amelia, and
all interested parties, especially female.
     There is this other nurse on our floor that is a "type" of
person. I know, I should talk, especially to this bunch of, shall we
say, hard-line liberals, about labeling people, but this is a legiti-
mate question. There IS a type of woman that is a man's woman. I'll
call this one "Scarlett." She doesn't even notice other women; it's
like we were furniture or something. If she's talking to you, you get
the feeling she's looking over your shoulder in case something male,
especially a doctor, comes out of the elevator. If it does she's gone
like a shot. Scarlett is attractive, and they usually are. She treats
me with a certain amount of respect, basically by acknowledging my
presence, but that's ONLY because she perceives me as potential
competition, not because she wants to communicate.
     There are women on the floor that are fantastic people, but not
physically up to her standards, and she ignores them.
     There's a young candy-striper who uses her head only to keep her
ears apart, and she's worthy of Scarlett's notice because she's
attractive.
     This is behavior I see in men, even expect, but it's not common
in a woman. I don't think she (Scarlett) is aware of it, even. I think
she believes herself perfectly normal, but she's like a different
species. I can't communicate with her any more than with a hyper-
baptist.
     Do you know the kind I mean? Men seem to find her attractive, and
I don't think they perceive her as odd because they never see the side
of her that women do. She doesn't go out with other women, shopping,
for lunch, anything. It's like she has two mental states, two modes:
being around men, and waiting. It's like she has drifted off somewhere
and her only contact is with men. She stopped being complete, somehow,
and became just part of a person, magnified all out of proportion.
     My first week on the floor, I thought she was just desperate to
marry a doctor. "There goes the good time that was had by all," I
thought. But no, she doesn't really seem to sleep around, I don't
think. I could be naive, but I don't think so. She is just drifted off
into a totally man-oriented existence.
     And then I realized that I am talking almost exclusively to men
after taking a brief census of the E-mail and ASB posting. Have I
drifted off, too? Roo and Amelia have E-mailed me, and I have a very
short group of (7 at the moment) special notes that I keep in my
mailbox (it overflows a lot, but I save ones like that) from people
that I want to write long, proper e-letters to. When I have something
really important to say.
     But there is very little feedback about what Jay and I did, and
are doing in The List, and I sometimes wonder if I have exposed so
much of myself that I seem weird like Scarlett seems to me. Roo, I
think it was, commented that I was very courageous to post that stuff
about myself. And that her hair was something she'd never give up.
That made me nervous. Today I got another E-mail from someone else
that said I was very brave to post.
     I hadn't communicated with ANY of you when I posted the first
part of The List, and I felt like a kid watching from the edge of the
playground. I could roll my ball out and see if I'd be invited to
play, and if I wasn't I could run away and hide and it wouldn't matter
because I didn't know you.
     And now I do know you, a little, but you already know stuff about
me that I would never tell you if I had to do it over now. It's almost
like meeting your gynecologist socially. And I looked back at the last
3 or 4 parts of Column One (9-12) and I wonder if I'm weird. Not to
mention when Jay shaved my head. I just realized that the only real
feedback I've gotten was from male ASB'ers who are begging me to go on
at all costs, and even they were noncommittal about exactly what
turned them on and off. I seem to be pushing only male buttons.
     Like Scarlett.
     I guess my question is: was there ANYTHING about The List that
appealed to the women? Or appalled?
     And was there anything that turned the men off?

Nurse Jones,
     Afraid to look up,
       suddenly nervous that she's standing
       in the middle of the playground
       with her panties around her ankles,
          and she's just noticed
             it's very quiet.

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