Archive-name: Fantasy/ghost.txt Archive-author: Oon Goh Archive-title: Ghost - The Long Goodbye A Fantasy.... I think. Some experiences were drawn from true-life. Others were the product of an over-active imagination with no life :) All characters depicted in the story are fictitious, and any resemblences to persons living, dead, or comatose are purely coincidental. Any comments, compliments, or complaints may be directed to ogoh@sfu.ca. The author makes no guarantee that the story will satisfy you. THAT is entire in your HANDS :) GHOST: The Long Goodbye. It all began with the accident. I had swerved to avoid an on-coming car, ran off the road, yanked on the wheel to get back onto the road (big mistake), went into spin and smashed into one, then another post. I lost consciousness then. When next I was aware, the darkness had been replaced by light, very bright lights. I could hear voices, urgent, but not frantic. I looked to see who these voices belonged to, and saw a group of five, maybe six people gathered about something. I couldn't see what they were doing nor make out what they were saying. I was still feeling lightheaded and disoriented and the whole scene seemed almost dreamy. Nevertheless, it felt important that I know what these people were doing and somehow, despite my disorientation, I managed to move in for a closer look. I didn't know what I expected, but I certainly didn't expect to see myself lying on an emergency room table with doctors and nurses all around. There was an oxygen mask of some sort over my nose and mouth and tubes in my arms, nose, mouth. I also noticed a bloody spot on my left temple. For a moment, an image of a huge telephone pole slamming into the side of my car flashed through my memory, and I sort of recall smashing my head into the side of the car. The image cleared and I was seeing myself, my body, lying there with all those tubes and needles. I didn't look very comfortable. But I didn't feel any of it. So. This is death, I thought. Or close to it. Just as well. I really had nothing to live for. So... where's the tunnel, bright lights, and long-dead relatives who are supposed to great me? I had never believed in those near death experiences of those people reported in the supermarket tabloids, but they were remarkably consistent about some of the details. I looked around. Nope. No tunnels, bright lights or dead relatives. I realised that I was floating quite close to the ceiling. Could I go through it? Yep. It felt strange, or maybe it was my imagination. But there I was, my head (non-corporeal) sticking out of the floor of the next level of this hospital, while the rest of my body was still in the floor below. From my position, I couldn't really see anything so I decided to go all the way up. I don't quite know how I move... I just do. There was a bed here with curtains drawn around it. Curious, I looked in. There was a middle-aged woman, slightly overweight lying on her side while a young nurse gave her a sponge bath. She was naked from the waist up and I could see a fresh surgical scar on her abdomen. The nurse was gently sponging her back as I moved around to get a better look. She was beautiful. She wore little or no make-up, or at least none that I could see. Her short, dark brown hair was neat and practical. Here nurse's uniform hugged her figure and showed curves where curves should be. The cut of her uniform seemed to emphasize her breasts. But it was her face that held my attention. Rachel! For some reason, she reminded me of Rachel. And with the memories came the pain. No! I should not be able to feel the pain. I'm dead! Dead! I'm beyond pain! But it was there. The pain I had tried to bury and forget came flooding back. I had lost her even before I ever really had her. It hurt then, but I couldn't believe it still hurts after all these months. And suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do. I just hope I have the time to do it before the whole tunnel and lights scene starts. I'm going to say good-bye to Rachel. I left through the window. Literally. It was a cool summer night, but I didn't feel it. I hovered outside the hospital for a moment to get my bearings. Then I set off. It was a beautiful night. The heat of the day beginning to dissipate, but I didn't feel it. The cityscape at night was beautiful. But I didn't see it. The almost full moon in a star-studded night sky must have been a rare sight but I missed it. I was wondering how I might say good-bye. I don't know how long it took me to get to Rachel's apartment. I didn't exactly travel in a straight line. "Flying" is quite different from driving and I made several course corrections as I passed familiar landmarks. But it didn't seem to me to take very long. It would have been at least a 45 minute drive. But perhaps becasue of grief, or perhaps because time has little meaning for someone in my state, it didn't seem that long. I counted the windows and found Rachel's. I flew right in. And flew right out again. She was in there with someone! I couldn't see who he was, but the tangle of arms and legs, half-undone clothes pulled and twisted aside to allow access to various body parts was unmistakably that of a couple making out, or in the early stages of foreplay. What do I do now? I couldn't go in and watched. It would hurt too much to see the woman I love share a very intimate part of her life with someone else while I WATCHED! I know she does, but knowing it intellectually and watching and knowing from experience is a big difference. So what do I do? I couldn't wait till they were done... I may have to go any minute now. What do I DO? I have to say good-bye. She was the only meaningful part of my life. She was my life. No matter how much it hurts now, I will hurt an eternity if I left without saying good-bye. So, taking a deep breath (metaphorically), I floated closer to the apartment window. The curtains were drawn, so I had to push my head through. They were on the couch. In front of the couch, the TV was playing an old episode of "Cheers". The room was lit by a single lamp at the end of the couch. I went all the way in, until I could look at her face. She was on her back, the guy was busy with her breast or something. I was trying to ignore him. I just looked into Rachel's face. Her eyes were closed. Her lips were half parted, enough for me to see those even white teeth and a little bit of her tongue peeking between the two rows of teeth. As I watched, her tongue flicked out to lick her lips before returning to the half-parted position. Her nostrils were flared and her breath came in deep gasps. Her long hair was splayed about her face. "Rachel, I came to say good-bye," I began. "I -- I want to thank you for the small part of your life that you shared with me. It may be a small part of your life, but it meant the world to me." "Uuhhhmmm, " she moaned. "I will always remember the night we first kissed. I was so mervous, it was such a clumsy kiss, but you said afterwards that you liked it." "Yes! Oh, yes!" she gasped. "I have never met anyone like you; so sure of what you want. I can almost feel your body against mine like the night we danced that slow dance. I still remember how you pressed your body into mine and how I held you tight, afraid to let go, because I guess even then, I knew I did not deserve you." "Huh! Huh! Huh!" she breathed. "And when you felt me holding you tight, you began to move against my body. I still feel your thighs rubbing against mine, my cock hard against your belly, your hands on my ass keeping the pressure on. As I ran my hands along the crack of your ass, you squirmed against my body." "Ooooohhhh!" she moaned. "And then we kissed. I tilted your head to face mine, and lowered my lips onto yours. You closed your eyes then, as you are doing now. Your lips were parted then, as they are now. And then we kissed. A slow, gentle kiss that turned more and more passionate." "Hhhmmmmm," she sighed. I didn't realised it but I had moved forward until now, my face was very close to hers. I somehow knew that I couldn't kiss her, but I still tried. I leaned forward, and lowered my lips onto hers... And felt nothing. I couldn't kiss her good-bye. I gazed into her face from that nothing distance and wanted to cry. So close... and I might have been a hundred miles away for all the good it did me. Suddenly I regretted coming. And just as suddenly, I could feel her lips! And she was kissing me! No! Not me! The guy had moved up again to kiss her, and for the brief moment when our faces shared the same space, I had felt what he felt! He was kissing her on the neck now. I moved my face there and merged into his. Immediately, my senses were filled with the scent and person of Rachel. I could smell her perfume, the scent of her shampoo on her hair, and more. Senses which I had not had for a while (since my death) were suddenly back again and that brief sensory deprivation had sharpened my senses and my appreciation of them. The scent of Rachel, the taste of Rachel, the feel of Rachel were all so incredibly alive! Glorious! I had never felt so alive! I wanted to laugh. And just a moment ago I had wanted to cry. The turnaround was so sudden, it left me confused for a moment. The guy's face was still buried in Rachel's neck, but he was moving down. I wanted a kiss. Kiss her! On the lips! I thought at him. Whether he "heard" me or had intended to do so of his own accord, he returned to her lips. We began gently. Barely touching at first, then steadily more pressure, our lips met. Occasionally, Rachel would dart her tongue between his/my lips, sending a wave of pleasure and sensation, but all he/I did was clasped her lips with his/mine. I wanted to taste her. Somehow I managed to take over. don't ask me how, I just did it. I pried her willing lips open (did she sigh?) with my/his tongue. My/his tongue darted in between her teeth, did the tango with hers, then withdrew for a while. I tickled the inside of the upper lip with my/his tongue, while I move my/his arms around her. Then when I was ready, I pulled her closer as I dove into her mouth. (Did her eyes pop open?) I ran my/his tongue behind the back of her upper teeth, trying to tickle the roof of her mouth, and also the insides of her cheeks. I saw then that my move had surprised her; her eyes were opened. (Was there a glint of recognition in her eyes?) I closed my eyes now, giving myself to the sensations that were flooding through me. Rachel's tongue was now invading my mouth. I surrendered to her persistence and enjoyed it. When we finally broke the kiss, my hands which had been caressing and playing with her breasts under her t-shirt, gripped the t-shirt and pulled it over her head. She raised herself above the couch and lifted her arms to help me with that. She had beautifully proportioned breasts, large for her size without making her seem top-heavy. They were firm, yet soft to the touch, peaked by rubbery-hard nipples rash-red from the efforts and play of my hands. Her bra had been pushed up into a mess above them and I didn't like that. I reached behind to unsnap it but had no idea what I was doing. So, she helped me. Then she helped me with my shirt. When we were both naked from the waist up, I kissed her lips briefly before moving onto her chin, her neck, then her breast, before locking onto her nipple. She gave a shudder and arched her body toward me, driving her breast as deep into my mouth as she could. On my part, I tried to take all that she was offering into my mouth and lips. My mouth was wide opened, the corners so stretched they hurt. My lips massaged the breast while my tongue lashed the nipple trapped within. She gasped and moaned while her arms pulled me closer into that pleasure mound. I alternate between left and right breasts a couple of times before I returned to her lips and asked her to unzip my jeans. This she did, while I was getting her belt off. I was unzipping her jeans when she grabbed my cock. Or rather his/my cock. And suddenly I remembered I was in a borrowed body. "No," I murmured. "W-What?" she asked. I pulled her hand from inside my briefs and demonstrated how I wanted her to rub my/his cock through the briefs. I was rubbing her cunt through her panties, too. It was feeling rather wet. I wanted very much to fuck her, but not with someone else's body. Who would be making love to her? He or I? Who would she be making love to? Him or me? She would have shared another part of her life with me, and it would mean a lot to me. But this time, she wouldn't even know it was me. And suddenly, the whole situation depressed and angered me. Worst of all, I took out my frustrations on Rachel. I got up off her and pulled her to her feet rather roughly. She complied, almost meekly, and for some reason, that angered me even more. She was facing me as I pulled down my jeans and briefs all in one move. She started to remove hers, but I stopped her and turned her around so that her back was to me. My strange behaviour must have been disconcerting if not outright frightening to her, but she made no protests or complaints. Again, for some perverse reason, that only angered me more. This borrowed body was about my height which means Rachel only came up to my chin. She was small. I grabbed the back of her jeans and pulled her towards me. Pulling open the top of the jeans and her panties, I stuck my cock inside, against the crack of her ass. Then I pulled her arms behind her and me. I placed a couple of fingers of each of her hands in the crack of my ass and then tensed my butt muscles. Her hands were caught there. It was not a very secure hold and if she really wanted to pull her hands out, she could have, but she played along. And I got angrier. Now I slid my right hand into her panties and felt the soft down of her pubic hair. Further down, I felt the heated wetness, and the slit of her sex. I began to rub a finger or two along the slit, slowly insinuating my fingers in, a little deeper each time. My left hand played with her breasts awhile before I reached up and tilted her head to the right, exposing her left ear. If I remember, her ears are very sensitive. I leaned in to nuzzle, kiss, lick and nibble her ear. She went wild! The combination of my fingers in her cunt and my tongue in her ear drove her to try to escape from the exquisite torture. She wanted to go back and up to escape my hand. This put her ear closer to my tongue, so she tries to go down -- into my hand. All the while, the up and down movement is translated by my cock into pleasurable sensations. The movement became more frantic and her jeans began to slide down her legs, as much from her movements as from my own efforts as my cock tried to slide down deeper along the crack of her ass. Mindlessly, my cock was searching for her cunt. Between my cock and my right hand, I managed to pull her panties to her mid-thighs. My cock was now between her legs and I was beginning to lose control. Any time now I knew I was going to be unable to stop myself from fucking her and I did not want to do that; not in another person's body. I could see my cock peeking out from between her legs which was squeezing open and close. It was too much. Fortunately she came to my aid. I had leaned forward a little and the tension in my butt was broken for a while. Her hands loose, she brought them around to grab the shaft of my cock. She came then, I think. Then she started pounding away on my cock. I lost touch with her ear, unable to concentrate. It was all I could do the keep my fingers in her cunt moving. The pressure behind my cock had been building for some time now and it was going to be uncontainable soon. At the last moment I pulled my hand out of her cunt and grab her hands on my cock to hold them still. I held the pressure and for a while I thought I might just be able to keep from going over. But no. Once. Twice. And another spurt. A shudder and we collapsed to the floor. I disengaged from the body and floated free. Good-bye, Rachel. I love you. ******** As I drifted out into the night, a deep sorrow took hold of me. Regrets. Regrets. Regrets. I had that one chance to make love to Rachel, one chance to know her love and I had turned it aside. Why? So what if it was a borrowed body? What difference does it make? It's still she and I. Why? Why? Why? Because it makes all the difference in the world. I want her to know it is me. I want her to choose me. Any other way would be meaningless. That way would have been rape. That way would have been stealing. That way makes no difference in the way she sees me. And perhaps that was why I was angry. I was angry with me, not with her. I was stealing another's experience. It was what she was going to share with him, not me, but I took it anyway. And when she went along with my game, I got angrier each time because it was not my game as she saw it, but his game she was going along with. I was jealous. Jealous that someone else had her trust, her intimacy, that private side of her. And everything she had shared with me, was meant to be shared with him. I had taken what I had no right to take. Oh Rachel! Will you ever forgive me? How can she? She doesn't even know! Take me away from this place! I can't stand being here anymore. Take me! Now! Silence. No tunnel. No bright lights. No dead relatives. Even the dead doesn't want me. I looked up. Tonight was a clear night. Not a cloud. No smog, dust or any thing to mar the starfield. It was beautiful. A beautiful night with no one to share it with. I decided to head upwards. To the stars. I could feel myself rising. But the stars got no closer. I aimed for the nearly full moon. It didn't get any bigger or closer. I looked down and noticed that I had not risen very much higher than when I started. And the hospital where I had died was close by. I had not intended to return to the hospital, so I must have been drawn here. Perhaps I need to be close to my body when the whole tunnel and light show begins. I drifted into the hospital through a second floor window.. It was quite late now and the corridors were quiet and the lights dimmed. Patients were sleeping in their beds. There were some snoring, but mostly it was quiet. I wonder where they had put my body. Well, I've lots of time to look around. I had wandered for what seemed like hours, through the wards, nurses stations, doctors office, a couple of pharmaceutical stores, a kitchen, and even a few broom closets of sorts. Then I drifted through a wall and heard heavy breathing. I looked around the semi-darkness and figured it was some kind of linen store. The heavy breathing was coming from the far side of the room. I moved in for a closer look and found a couple locked in a passionate embrace. The man was probably in his late twenties, youngish. From his coat and such, he was probably a houseman or an intern of some sort to have to pull the graveyard shift. He was quite slim, with just a bit of fat on the waist. But over all, I'd say he looked to be in better shape than me, at least, me as in my body. In this state, I didn't really have a body. But I quickly shifted my attention to the woman. It was the nurse that had reminded me of Rachel. She had a gorgeous body, much like Rachel's. Her breasts might be slightly bigger, but not by much. Her face was contorted with ecstasy and a high keening whine was coming out from behind her clenched teeth. The whine, more like a moan, would be interupted by a series of sharp gasps as she took in more air. The source of her excitement was the young intern at her breasts. He was doing great things to her. And she seemed to enjoy it immensely. She had her arms wrapped around him as though she wouldn't let him leave her breasts. I envied her just as I envied Rachel (and all women for that matter) for having such responsive bodies with so many sensitive spots. Then I thought of something. I moved into the nurse's body, slowly settling my spirit self into her form. And immediately I was flooded with so much sensations I gasped, in unison with the nurse. The incredible, exquisite sensory overload was sweet, sweet agony until I was able to sort them out. The fiery gnawing on her/my right breast was the young intern nibbling, nipping, licking, sucking, teasing and pinching her/my right nipple. Even as I became aware of the individual actions, the intern started nibbling on the breast and nipple again. He caught her/my nipple between his teeth and threatened it with a slight pressure of his teeth. The mix of fear and desire was incredible. I wanted him to take me, to control me, and at the same time I was afraid he would. He released the nipple and began to lick and suck. Of their own volition, her/my arms pulled him in close. I could not believe how hot a human mouth could be until I had experienced that nurse's breast in that young intern's mouth. He moved over to the other breast and the furnace of his mouth covered the rigid nipple. His hot, wet tongue teased the sensitive teat together with teeth, and lips, sending wave after wave of sensations; fear and desire, pain and pleasure. As I looked down at this man worshipping me and tormenting me at the same time I felt an incredible rush of love feelings for him. And tenderly, I caressed his hair. As if that was the signal he wanted, he left the breasts and moved his face down, making a trail of kisses as he went along. Each kiss sent a shiver through me, so intimate was his kiss of lips and tongue. Finally, he reached the bush that was her/my cunt. He froze there for a moment and for a moment I was afraid he would stop there and at the same time I was afraid he would go on. Then he looked up, as though making sure I was watching, making sure I knew what he intended, what was in it for me. Then he plunged into the crevasse of her/my cunt. If his tongue had been an aggravating torment of pleasure, it now became maddening in its intensity. He began with the area surrounding her/my clitoris which sent rippling waves of paralysing ecstasy through her/my body. He kept that up for a while, then he completely encircled her/my clit with his lips and the threat and the promise both collided within my mind and drove me out of it. The wet heat surrounding her/my clit turned her/my legs to jelly, only a little more substantial than the lubricating fluids that was now seeping out of her/my cunt. Her/my feet were beginning to tingle. And then he stabbed her/my little clit with his tongue which sent her/my body into an epileptic pleasure fit. Her/my body shook uncontrollably as he lashed and licked and suck on her/my little button of pleasure. The tingle that had started at the sole of her/my feet had spread up the legs, and had began to settle in the pit of her/my stomach. It became an urge to do something. I don't know what. Then, a steadily building pressure. She/I started to breathe faster and in short gasps. Her/my hips were bucking wildly, trying to grind her/my clit and cunt into his mouth, even as her/my thighs wanted to clamp his head there. Her/my bucking got wilder as his tongue flickered faster and faster and her/my clit grew harder and hotter, and the pressure grew stronger and stronger until finally... release! She came! I came! He kept licking! She came! I came! He kept licking! She/I came! She/I collapsed from the exertion of that triple climax. No strength to do anything except to gasp for air. But the young intern was not done yet. Pulling down his trousers and briefs, he knelt in between her/my spread apart legs. His stiff cock fully engorged, he leaned forward. She/I reached for it and grasped it to help him get it in. It slipped in easily enough and she/I had this sensation of being filled. At the same time the pressure and pleasure from the invasion of her/my body was rippling through her/my sensitized body. Somehow, her/my legs had regained enough strength to lock themselves around his waist. The we began the age-old rhythm of the recreation of life. He began slowly and she/I followed his rhythm. Each thrust of his cock seemed to be building up some of the pressure that was released in the orgasms. Slowly, steadily he picked up the rhythm and she/I matched it. Finally he was like a frenzied bronco as he plunged faster and faster into her/my cunt, and then, he thrust deep, held it there and came. But she/I hadn't come, so turning over with him still inside, she/I rode on his still stiff prick until she/I came one more time. As I lay there for a while, I looked at the young intern and couldn't help feeling sorry for him as he only came one time. A woman's body is incredibly sensitive and sensuous. I love it. The warmth glow of aftersex was still in her body and it felt good. I didn't want to leave this body yet. It had so much to offer. And the best part was I wasn't even in control. I was just along for the ride, and enjoying it. After a while, we got up, cleaned ourselves up with a few pieces of linen, and dressed up. We exchanged kisses and left the room separately. The warm glow remained for a long time and I just stayed in the body, enjoying it. I had no place to go and all the time in the world to get there. If someone wants to get me across into the world of the dead, they'll have to look for me. I'm tired of waiting for them. Then about dawn, I overheard some talk regarding me, or rather my body. "Has the next-of-kin of the accident victim been contacted?" "We tried his home number, but apparently he lives alone. Maybe his office might have more information. We'll try the office number later when it's open." I have no kin here in this city. You'll just be wasting your time. But... there is someone I wanted them to notify. I've said my good-bye to Rachel, but if she doesn't know I'm gone, it would mean nothing. Did I still mean anything to her. I wanted to know that. I needed to know. We were close once, maybe still. If there's anyone I would call friend, it's her. I would like for her to say good-bye to me. My good-bye to her means little if she doesn't know I am gone. Yes. That's it. I took over the nurse's body now. I went to a phone and called Rachel. She picked up the phone after seven rings and sounded like she had been awakened from sleep. "Hello. Is this Rachel?" I asked. "Uh-huh," she murmured. "I'm sorry to disturb you so early in the morning. I'm calling from Memorial Hospital and we have a patient brought in late last night and we have been trying to find his next-of-kin. Anyway, we found your name and number in his wallet and wondered if you could help identify him." "Who is it?" asked Rachel, sounding much more awake now and a little worried. I gave her my name. "Yes, yes. I know him. What happened?" "I can't give you all the details over the phone. Could you come down to verify his identity and perhaps help us to contact his next-of-kin?" "Yes, yes. I'll be right over." She's coming. It took her almost two hours to get to the hospital. Blame it on morning rush hour. I had left the nurse's body and was waiting at the reception desk when she walked in. She looked lovely. She enquired at the reception desk, and was referred to a doctor who brought her to the room where my body lay. I was not dead! As the doctor briefed her on my condition, I looked at myself. I was breathing regularly without aid. Most of the tubes and needles were gone except for one intra-venous drip. A slightly bloodstained bandage was on my left temple. Other than that, I looked not too bad. "He was brought in unconscious and haven't come out of the coma at all. It's all very strange. His brain scan shows abnormally high activity, but no consciousness. We don't know how long he will be like this. He might wake the next minute or not for months." The doctor now left us alone. Rachel took the seat beside the bed and look into my face. The face on my body anyway. I was staring at hers. She touched my hand, then my face. I wish I could feel it, but later. I wanted to listen to her. "Hi," she said. "Hello," I said, but of course she can't hear me. "It's been some time since we last saw each other." "Yes it has," I said, softly. "I've been busy," she said. "Working at my new job, making new friends." She paused for a moment, then, "but I haven't forgotten my old friends. I still think of you now and then." "Why, just last night I thought of you," she said with a nervous laugh. "It's kinda strange, but there's this guy and some of the things he did, well, reminded me of you." So you did noticed. "It was kinda scary too," she continued. "I can't explain really. It was like you WERE there; like it was you I was..." she stopped, embarrassed. "Maybe it was you." She was holding my hand now. Was that shimmering in her eyes, tears? "Maybe it was you reaching out to me." "Yes, it was," I said. "And I'm still here, still reaching out to you." I merged may spirit hand with the real hand in hers. I could feel her again. The soft palms, the delicate yet strong fingers. She tensed suddenly, the grip tightening. (Did she feel my presence?) She raised my hand to her lips and gently kissed the back. Her lips lingered for a while, a tear formed in her right eye. I watched as the tear rolled down and touch my finger held there against her cheek. It felt hot. She sniffed, gathered herself, and wiped away the tear. "I've got to go," she said. Then she leaned over my bed and kissed me on the lips. Then. she turned and walked away. "Rachel, don't go," I said. She stopped. (Could she have heard me?) Then I realised I was back in my body! She did hear me! I did speak. She turned and I could see her face again. She was beautiful. Her eyes seemed to shine with an inner light. She whispered softly, "Hi." "I missed you," I managed to say, then I felt incredibly weary and my eyes started to go unfocused. Rachel dissolved into the gathering darkness, her face blurring. I struggled to hang onto life, to consciousness. I tried to leave the body, but I couldn't. It began to get darker, I could still make out Rachel's silhoutte as she dashed forward. (Was there fear on her face?). I started to panic! No! I don't want die now! I have something to live for now! Nooooo! --