I Wonder Why? (mmmm,mast,oral,voy. Gay? Bi?)

                                           I WONDER WHY
                                     

    Sometimes I look back on my past experiences and wonder about
the fantasies I have today.
  I am not gay, or bisexual although lately I have had thoughts. It has
become a problem for me since I am always able to answer my own
sexual questions. This one question though has me stumped and I
am writing this to get your opinions or insights to my feelings.
  
   My sexual orientation was probably like alot of other boys. After
talking to hundreds of people I know that now.
   I had lots of friends growing up but only 4 of them would become 
close enough to trust each other with our secrets. We did everything
together and talked about everything that was on our minds.
   When we were around the ages of 13 and 14 the topics of our interest
and conversations began to change. 
   We began to talk about sex. Although I felt uncomfortable at first
I quickly began to loose my inhibitions and soon was telling them
about my fantasies.
   One night we all were joking and goofing off when we happened on
a open window. The lights were on and the blinds were wide open.
Inside was a woman undressing. We all had seen her before but never
like this. 
  She was on the heavy side and had never been the topic of our sexual
fantasies but that night changed everything for me.
  As she slipped out of her dress and unsnapped her bra we all were 
wide eyed and speechless. Her tits were huge and they jiggled and
swung in front of her as she moved about her room. 
  Her ass was big and round and her pink panties did nothing for 
the sides of her cheeks hanging out. I was fascinated by how soft
this woman looked. My cock was throbbing as I watched.
  When she sat down and pulled her panties down I was granted my
first look at a woman's bush. She was very hairy and although I knew
there was a hole somewhere down there, I couldn't see it because of
her black hairy bush.
  We all stood there in awe as this woman quietly put on fresh clothes 
and soon turned the light off and left the room. We quickly fled the
scene and ran all the way to one of our hangouts in the basement of
the adjacent buildings.
   The basement was a place the janitors spent there time during the 
days but it was our place at night. There was a couch that we all were
able to fit on. 
  We sat there catching our breath and looking at each other amazed 
at what we had just seen.
  Greg, my closest friend spoke first and he told us that he would loved
to have stuck his cock up in the woman's hairy bush. I quickly added
that I would have loved to do the same. We began talking about what 
we would do with the woman in more detail. 
 It was either Tod or Rich that pulled his cock out first and started to
stroke it, IM not sure, it happened way to fast. Greg was next and I 
followed.
  Soon all four of us were stroking our cocks, side by side making up 
situations and scenarios with this woman being the main character. 
  It didn't take long for us all to shoot off and after it was over I dont
think anyone of us was embarrassed.
  After that night we began masturbating alot together and it eventually
progressed into masturbating one another while we told our nasty tales
of sucking and fucking the women in the neighborhood. 
  This went on for almost a year until one night Greg offered a new idea
to the group. He had always wanted to be sucked off by the woman that
lived next to him. He would always talk about her big lips and mouth and
how good it would feel.
  He suggested that we do each other and simulate a woman sucking on 
our dicks. He even offered to go first if he would get one in return. I was
a bit nervous about this since I really didn't think it would work. Tod and
Rich agreed and we all drew straws to see who would suck first. 
  It was determined that rich would blow Tod first and he would return to
rich after. I was to get one from Greg and return after.
  I remember watching as Tod put his lips around Rich's cock and then 
felt Greg stroking mine. I still felt nervous but said nothing as I felt Greg's

mouth slip over my hard cock.
  He began moving his mouth up and down, and I don't know what it was
but it didn't feel right. I went limp in the mouth of my best friend and
managed to tell him to stop. I made up an excuse that I was late and 
quickly left.
  The next day at school, we didn't talk. We never masturbated together 
again and we never talked about that night. We eventually grew apart
and made new friends.
   I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 years old but I think it was the 
years in-between that night with my friends and then that has had an impact
on my question.
   When I was 16 I was fishing with a few friends at a county park, I had to
use the bathroom. Usually I would wait till I got home because of what I
had been told about getting crabs from a toilet seat no matter how much
paper I put on it. But I had to go and I knew I couldn't wait.
  The bathroom seemed empty when I went in and I quickly went to work 
on the toilet seat putting down three layers of toilet paper. When I felt 
confident enough, I sat down.  
  As I sat there I remember reading the writings on the stall walls. Mostly
from gay guys and alot from people who didn't like gay guys. I wondered 
if the telephone numbers after there catchy ' suck your cock ' phrases were
real.  
  I saw a hole about the size of an ash tray cut into the wall on my right. I 
looked into it and could see into the other stall. 
  Thats when the door opened and a man entered into the stall beside 
mine. I thought nothing about it until I noticed his tennis shoes pointing
in my direction under the stall wall. 
  The next think I noticed was a zipper being opened and then I saw his 
shorts drop to his shoes. Then, just as I realized was going on, it
happened.
  The man in the stall put his cock through the hole into my stall. It was
only inches from my face. I don't know if I was in shock because of what
he had done or because of the size of this man. Maybe both.
  I had seen alot of pictures of men and woman having sex and even
watched a few of my Uncles porn movies, but I had never seen a penis
in my life as big as the one in front of my face that day.
  If I had to guess the size of it I would say at least 11" but probably more 
since I didn't know how much was still on the other side. It was very 
hard and very thick. The head of it was very swollen, purple and plumb
shaped. The veins running through his shaft seemed to be stretching the
skin.
  I just sat there in shock as I watched it bobb in front of my face. I
finished
wiping and flushed the toilet. I remembered getting up, careful not to 
touch it. It looked like it would shoot off at any second. I opened the 
door to my stall and remember looking back to make sure it was real. 
It was still there when I turned and left.
  I remember fishing with my friends but still keeping my eye on the
bathroom. I wanted to see the guy who did that, but I never did. I 
am in my 20's now and haven't thought about that until recently.
  I was camping with my girlfriend at a park that had pretty nice
amenities. It was the only way I could get her to go. The bathrooms 
were huge, equipped with showers and a sauna room. The showers
were wide open and I felt nervous about showering with other men
so I waited for the room to clear out a bit before I went in.
  While I was sitting there, I noticed that there were alot of men walking
around naked. The thing about it that seemed strange to me was,
they really weren't doing anything. Combing there hair, talking to one
 another, shaving and brushing there teeth. 
  I guess I was shocked at how uninhibited these men were. Most in
there 40's and none of them seemed to notice me noticing them. I 
tried not to look, but when one would pull his shirt over his head,
I would steal a glance at his cock. 
  I came to a conclusion that day that these men must be showing 
off. I didn't see anyone there with a small cock. I was definitely the 
smallest out of all the men. 
 I quickly took my shower and made sure to cover my cock with a
towel when I was done. I was embarrassed both by my size and my
exciting feelings I was getting from seeing all these hung guys.
   Since then when I masturbate I have fantasies about being 16 again
and in the bathroom at the park. In my fantasy, everything happens 
the same except I touch the mans cock, play with it and sometimes 
even suck it.
  The thing that bothers me the most about all of this is that, I don't 
think I'm gay because I am turned off by the fact of gay anal sex or 
another man giving me head. I might even gag or puke if I saw two
men kissing but the thought of playing with or even sucking a big
cock, turns me on? Im confused.
   Another thing that I am trying to answer is, why big cocks? I never
think about small ones, never. Just really big men with no faces, no 
voices, no bodies... just a really big cock?
 Am I gay? Bisexual? 
  Before you write me, please know that 90% of my fantasies are about
women. This is very confusing!  Am I normal?