The Bandit 3"( MF cons )

     The Bandit and Zero kicked the dirty grey snow off of their boots and 
walked up the steps of the East Habitat.  A quick ping of a security card 
in the lock, and the door sighed open, brushing a warm breeze across their 
faces from inside.  They walked out of the dark and into the central 
lounge, gratefully unzipping their coats.  The usual late-night gang was 
there, Thud holding court like a king in the chair by the coffee machine 
and dealing a hand from his everpresent cribbage deck to Lanky and Plaids.  
Conan was sprawled out on the couch, reading a paperback, and the notes of 
an acoustic guitar wafted gently through the air as the Rainbow Wizard 
played a love song for Mary Magdalene on a nearby stretch of carpet.  

     "Hi, Zero, Bandit," Thud said pleasantly.  "Cribbage?" 

     "Nope," Zero smiled.  "Against my faith."  

     "What faith?" Thud sneered at him.  "You're an agnostic, a Crowleyite, 
or worse yet, a Satanist."  

     "True."  Zero collapsed on the couch with a sigh.  

     Thud gave up.  "Bandit?" 

     "No thanks, Thudlike.  I'm on a diet."  

     "Suit yourself.  I'm just worried about how long I can hold onto these 
two.  They just have no stamina!  I mean, we've only played--" 

     "Twenty-one games," Lanky groaned.  

     "Twenty-two," Plaids corrected him.  He got up, stretching, and 
stalked off toward his room.  "I quit."  Lanky took the opportunity to make 
his escape as well, leaving Thud alone, the cribbage hand half dealt to no 
one.  

     "See what you did? Now what am I going to do?" Thud said angrily.  

     The Bandit smiled innocently.  "Play Solitaire."  

     "You're the expert on games one plays alone," Thud replied 
caustically.  

     "Ouch.  I left myself wide open for that," The Bandit laughed.  He 
looked over at Conan, and asked, "Good book?" 

     Conan didn't look up.  "Yup."  

     "What's it about?" 

     "I'm reading it for my Twentieth Century Literature class as an 
elective," Conan said, eyes on the text.  "I think the professor will get a 
kick out of my report."  

     The Bandit leaned over and looked at the book cover.  His wide mouth 
split into a grin.  "Bitch Goddesses of Thamazor?" 

     Conan didn't say a word;  he only looked over at the Bandit and 
winked.  

     Meanwhile, Zero had wandered over to where the Rainbow Wizard was 
finishing another song for Mary Magdalene.  After the song had ended and 
Mary Magdalene was thanking the Rainbow Wizard with a kiss, he cleared his 
throat politely.  "Uh, c'n I borrow that for a moment, Wiz?" 

     "Mmmmmm," the Wizard said, pulling off the guitar awkwardly so as not 
to break the kiss.  He set the guitar down beside him, and threw both arms 
around Mary Magdalene, bearing her down to the carpet on her back.  

     "Thanks," Zero said.  

     "Mmmmmm," the Rainbow Wizard said.  

     "Mmmmmm," Mary Magdalene agreed.  "Mmmm.  Mmmmmm, mm mmmm!" 

     "Mmmmmmmmmm," the Rainbow Wizard managed with a muffled laugh.  "Mmmm 
mm mmm mmmmmm mm mmmmm mmmmmm, mm mmmmmmm...."  

     The conversation continued in that vein, broken by giggles on 
occasion.  Mary Magdalene rolled the Rainbow Wizard over onto his back, and 
began to slowly rub herself up and down against his thigh.  The others in 
the lounge watched in fascination as her movements grew more and more 
obvious in their intent.  

     Thud gaped.  "Public fornication!  That's DISGUSTING!" 

     Conan laughed quietly to himself.  "Mary Magdalene in heat again? Now 
THAT'S disgusting!" 

     The Bandit looked over at the two lovers cavorting at Zero's feet 
while he nonchalantly tuned the guitar, and found his mouth going dry.  Oh, 
man, he thought.  That lucky bastard.  If only it could have been me....  

     He forced boredom into his voice.  "Here we go again."  

     "No, dear boy," Thud corrected him with a sepulchural grin, "There 
THEY go again.  You, alas, have no place in the matter."  

     "Thanks for nothing."  The Bandit looked away with an effort, picked 
up the cards, and dealt himself a hand of Solotaire.  

     "Remember that playing with oneself is a sin, dear boy," Thud smiled.  

     "I just wish you'd make up your mind, Thud," the Bandit muttered.  
"Either join the Priesthood, or decide you're gay.  But don't sit on the 
fence, you're driving us all crazy!" 

     "I promise I'll make up my mind before I leave school," Thud said with 
a placid, pious smile.  He turned to watch Zero play, and the Bandit risked 
looking in the direction of the two thrashing bodies on the floor to better 
hear the music.  

     Zero was shy by nature, and rarely played in public, but his little 
concerts drew more than their share of gossip.  Every rock band on the 
campus wanted him as a lead guitarist, for his blinding speed and perfect 
articulation had become legendary.  "If Mr.  Spock played guitar," the 
Bandit was fond of saying, "He'd sound like Zero."  Doing his best to 
ignore the moans of Mary Magdalene, who was obviously doing HER best to 
come as quietly as possible on the Rainbow Wizard's thigh, Zero torched his 
way through seven songs in seven minutes, including two famous pop tunes, a 
Villa-Lobos guitar concerto excerpt, two songs by the Bandit, one of his 
own tunes, and just to finish things with a flourish, a raunched-up version 
of one of the Wiz's love ballads.  Thud and the Bandit applauded as he 
bowed and took off the guitar, and Conan tore himself away from the Bitch 
Goddesses of Thamazor long enough to make clapping motions with the 
paperback and his free hand.  Zero, grinning with pride, looked down at the 
people on the floor beside him.  

     His smile died.  The Rainbow Wizard was cradling Mary Magdalene in his 
arms, whispering in her ear as she sighed in the glow of post-orgasmic 
peace and snuggled against his shoulder.  They hadn't even looked at him.  

     Zero looked outraged for the barest fraction of a second.  Then he saw 
the Bandit's wide grin out of the corner of his eye, and smiled sheepishly, 
putting down the guitar next to Mary Magdalene.  

     "That was wonderful!" 

     He looked up at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, low and alluring.  
Every other man in the room turned around as well;  there was something in 
that voice that demanded attention.  

    She was standing behind Zero, carrying a battered old guitar case in 
one hand and brushing her hair back from her eyes with the other.  She was 
small, perhaps five feet two, with the lithe curves of a gymnast ill-
disguised by the flimsy blouse she wore.  The Bandit's gaze flicked over 
her in a practiced instant: tight, well-worn jeans with a patch over the 
crotch, strong legs, light from the window behind her outlining her torso 
through the shirt, and the particular jiggle and barely noticable tenting 
of the fabric that bespoke small, slightly pointed breasts and no bra to 
hide the nipples.  Her eyes were blue and wide like a child's, and her 
freckled face was scrubbed clean of makeup.  She tucked a wayward strand of 
wavy brown hair behind one ear, and continued, "I wish I could play like 
that...."  

    Zero looked into her eyes, and came to an instant decision.  "A lot of 
people do," he said pleasantly, and turned away from her, walking out of 
the lounge.  She watched him go, her eyes puzzled.  

    "Oh, don't mind him," the Bandit said hurriedly, getting up from the 
couch and striding over to her.  "He just gets nervous when people 
compliment him, that's all.  Say, I haven't seen you around here before.  
Did you just move in?" 

    She smiled at him, revealing tiny dimples.  "Yes.  I just transferred 
here from Crystal City.  This is my first semester.  I'm called Flower."  

    "I'll just bet you are," the Bandit grinned.  "And I am the one and 
only Bandit.  At your service, madam!" He took her proffered hand and 
kissed it.  

    She withdrew the hand gently, smiling.  "Pleased," she said.  

    The Bandit's grin grew even wider, if that were possible.  He waved to 
the assemblage in the lounge.  "My merry men," he said.  "Thud, Conan on 
the couch there with the Bitch Goddesses of Thamazor, and, uh, oh, yes!  
These two shameless exhibitionists at your feet are our very own Do-it-
Yourself Messiah, the Rainbow Wizard, and HIS very own Mary Magdalene."  

    "Messiah?" She looked over as the Rainbow Wizard got to his feet, 
drawing up Mary Magdalene beside him with one strong arm around her waist.  
She smiled up at him.  "I've never met a real Messiah before.  Do you work 
miracles?" 

    "When I'm not being trodden down by the unfaithful," the Rainbow Wizard 
smiled, "I can do almost anything.  Welcome to the East Habitat."  He bowed 
to her.  She dimpled prettily and gave him a mock curtsy, and the Bandit 
suddenly felt like the fifth wheel on a Continental: not good for much, and 
hanging on for the ride.  It's that goddamned Wizard thing again, he 
thought disgustedly.  Why the hell does HE have to attract the pretty ones 
all the damn time? 

    Flower turned to Mary Magdalene, and said, "it must be terribly 
exciting, having your own Messiah.  How did you manage to do it?" 

    Mary Magdalene smiled, but there was something in that smile that 
wasn't the orgasm.  "I was," she said archly, "In the right place at the 
right time."  

    There was silence for a few moments as several different thoughts went 
through several different heads.  

    MY tits never look that good without a bra on, Mary Magdalene thought 
worriedly, and how the hell does she keep her hips so slim? It's a good 
thing I know the Wizard, or I'd be really worried....  

    This, thought the Rainbow Wizard, is a woman to get to know better.  

    Nice hair, thought Flower.  Seriously good smile, too.  But she's too 
heavy and she doesn't take care of herself.  And not only does she know it, 
but he knows it, too!  Oh, mama, Crystal City was NOTHING compared to what 
I'm gonna do to Arcadia!  

    Wow, man, serious tit action here, Conan thought.  Wonder if the Wiz'll 
let me tear off a piece once he adds her to his little harem? 

    Thud was watching Mary Magdalene's eyes.  This is going to be very 
ugly, he thought to himself.  I wonder how stable MaryMag is these days? If 
she gets too iffy, then POW!  Catfight!  Break out the body oil and the video 
camera!  

    The Bandit, forgotten in an instant, decided that sterner measures were 
necessary.  "Uh, listen," he said, "We'll be getting together tomorrow to 
do some playing.  Zero and I, I mean.  Would you like to join us?" 

    Flower had obviously come to the conclusion that the Rainbow Wizard was 
more worth knowing than Zero.  "Maybe later," she said, scarcely looking at 
the Bandit.  "I want to play some guitar duets right now."  She looked over 
at the Rainbow Wizard and smiled.  "If you don't mind, that is."  

    "Not at all," he said.  "Will you teach me some new songs?" 

    "If you'll teach me a couple," she replied guilelessly.  

    "Great!  We can take turns playing," Mary Magdalene said brightly.  "I 
love playing duets."  She smiled pleasantly at Flower, her eyes hard as 
flint.  Flower gave her the sort of smile one gives an adorable young child 
who's just brought home a live snake as a pet.  

    "We'll make it a trio, then," the Rainbow Wizard said, fishing in his 
pocket for his room key.  "Why don't you go get my other guitar from my 
room, dear?" 

    "Okay!" Mary Magdalene's desire to please the Wizard overruled her 
suspicions, and she skipped off toward their room.  The Bandit watched her 
go, thinking, too trusting to live.  Jesus!  

    "Well, I guess I'll be leaving," the Bandit said uncomfortably.  "You 
should stop by our place when you get a chance...."  

    "Oh, I'd love to," Flower said hastily, remembering her manners.  "I'd 
love to hear what you and, er, Zero do."  

    The Bandit managed a weak grin.  "Well, we--" 

    "YO!  BANDIT!  HEY, WIZ my MAIN MAN!  Whuss happening, people?" 

    The Bandit winced.  Please, he thought, O merciful God, not now, not 
while there's some faint shred of hope....  

    Livewire threw a corded arm about the Bandit's shoulders and squeezed 
hard enough to dislocate his collarbone.  "Howya DOIN' my MAN!" He caught 
sight of Flower for the first time, and his eyes nearly popped out of his 
head.  "Well, hell-LO there, pretty lady," he said in his best Rhett Butler 
imitation, which was terrible, "I don't believe we've been introduced...."  

    "Flower, this is Livewire.  Livewire, this is Flower.  She's a 
transfer," the Bandit said in a rush.  "Now as I was saying--" 

    Flower gave Livewire the barest nod, and said to the Rainbow Wizard, 
"You have a lot of interesting followers."  

    Any thoughts that the Bandit had in Flower's direction were chopped 
brutally short.  His eyes burned as he whirled to face her.  "You watch 
your mouth, missy," he gritted.  "Livewire's my drummer, and neither he nor 
Zero buys into this crock of shit that old Glow-in-the-Dark here shovels 
out for the faithful.  And what goes for them goes double, triple, for me.  
Understand?" 

    Flower took a half step back from him, her eyes widening fearfully.  
"Don't you talk to me that way," she said feebly.  "I can make mistakes, 
can't I? I thought he was your friend...."  She looked from the Rainbow 
Wizard, who was regarding the Bandit sourly, back to the Bandit again.  

    "He is my friend."  The Bandit's voice was soft.  "I just wish he'd see 
a shrink before he gets somebody hurt."  He turned on his heel and left, 
tossing angrily over his shoulder, "Particularly himself!" 

    "Oo, bad scene," Livewire said, watching him go.  Then he shrugged and 
said to Flower, "But he's right, you know.  This guy is like a TOTAL 
fuckhead.  Thinks he can create trees!" Laughing uproariously, he did a 
back handspring away from them, bounded to his feet and charged off with a 
wave.  "Later!"